[opening them music]
Would somebody please cue that bird?
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Oooh, yeah! ♪
♪ Who do you call When you want some pepperoni? ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Right on! ♪
♪ They're stepping out crime, And you know that ain't balony ♪
♪ There's Speedy Cerviche, He's the leader of the bunch, ♪
-That's right! -♪ A heck of a fighter ♪
♪ Makes a heck of a lunch ♪
♪ And little Polly Esther Who's never afraid ♪
-That's me! -♪ Of going into battle ♪
♪ When the bad guys invade ♪
♪ Here's Guido Anchovis, A wild romantic rover ♪
♪ This cat gets down down With a love hangover ♪
♪ Here come the Pizza Cats, They're so bad ♪
♪ They've got more fur Than any turtle ever had ♪
♪ They're stronger Than old cheese ♪
♪ Stronger than old cheese! ♪
♪ They're stronger than dirt ♪
♪ Stronger than dirt! ♪
♪ Step on their tails ♪
♪ Get off my tail! ♪
♪ And you're going to get hurt ♪
♪ Don't hurt me! ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're fighting crime All over town ♪
♪ Three... two... one... ♪
♪ Pizza Cats are on the run ♪
♪ The Big Cheese is the villain Who's lower than low ♪
♪ It's a rotten shame He lives in Little Tokyo ♪
♪ We've got a nasty Bad Bird And some nasty ninja crows ♪
♪ As soon as someone Finds the script ♪
♪ We might begin the show ♪
♪ Sit back, pick up your feet ♪
♪ And turn the sound up high ♪
♪ And if you want the full Effect, go eat a pizza pie ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
[splashes]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
[narrator] It's a busy day in Little Tokyo
and Speedy Cerviche races through the crowdy streets
with dangerous cargo on his back.
Everybody hold your noses in gangway, I got a rat tail
and fish head pizza here. It ain't get any freighter.
[female screams]
[narrator] But at last that pizza will never be delivered.
For at that very moment high above the rooftops,
a terrible sight appears,
like a monstrous apparition of doom,
it towers over the populace.
Well, it is sure taking it's time.
[narrator] Onward and onward
it comes unstoppable, implacable--
Invisible!
[narrator] Then it's coming, I'm sure of it.
If not, we'll have to cancel for sure this week.
That's right! No one will get paid...
Oh, here it is.
[all scream]
[narrator] A huge, horrible fire belching demon,
with eyes like molten lava and fangs
the size of and strudel bakers.
Oh, wrong script...
Okay, so it's not a fire-belching demon.
So it's a giant, golden chicken, or something.
That's pretty scary too.
Who's this clown, Tweety Bird on hormones?
[all abash]
[Speedy Cerviche] Look at the size, that chickeny!
[Guido Anchovy] I would mind clean his gate.
[Polly Esther] This is no joke. Why do you think it is?
Hey! Maybe it's a goldfinch, get it a goldfinch--
[Speedy] Shut up! Something's happening.
Hey, what's the big idea, buddy?
You're opening a takeout chicken franchise or something?
Greetings Ladies and Gents.
This is the Golden Cluck, God of Good Luck.
He tells fortunes, sees the future
and grants wishes, no matter how depraved they are.
[Bad Bird] Yes, suckers-- I mean, friends,
by just purchasing
one of these tickets, you can have
the great Golden Cluck, make all of your dreams come true.
Come on, now. Who's first?
Give me a break, what a scam!
Only a bonehead would fall for that.
We're coming.
[Polly] It's Mrs. and Mr. Bonehead.
[woman] Oh, please sir, my only wish is to cure
my poor husband's ankle and back.
He hasn't been able to really get down and boogie for years.
[abash]
[Bad Bird] As you can see, the tickets come in
a wide price range,
depending on the size of your problem.
Now, for your needs, judging by the looks of that bag of bones
on your arm, I'll take the most expensive.
It's been everybody I have, for my husband's sake.
[Bad Bird] Such loyalty, it's truly touching.
Now, step up to the magic phone booth and state your wish.
[electrical noise] [woman] Please, cure my husband!
Cure him and I won't say anything bad
about the phone company again.
[Bad Bird] Great Golden Cluck has heard you, your wish,
and is working on it.
As I warned you, it's not gonna be cheap.
But then the price of healthcare
is going up everywhere.
Why should miracles be any different?
[machine] Your wish is granted.
[shouts and laughs]
[pop music starts] [man cheers]
[man] Thank you. I can get down and get funky.
-Right on there! -Let's boogie!
[both cheer]
[screams]
Give me a ticket, I got problems too.
[jangle]
Yeah, if there's one thing I hate even more than being
stomp into the ground.
Gets disco.
[groaning]
Did anybody see what happened to that pizza?
[whimpering]
[Bad Bird] Good job! They fell for it like a load of bricks.
[all laugh]
[Guido] Nice job, Speedo.
Was there any particular reason you failed to deliver the pizza?
A huge fire-belching demon
with eyes like molten lava and fangs...
[indistinct] ...the fire-belching
demons are a different episode.
Now grab a mop and start cleaning the washroom.
You hear? And I want it spick and span!
Get going.
Please, Polly, not the washroom.
[Guido] I always knew your career
would end up in the toilet.
You little ass!
Who are you talking to?
There's a little rat, didn't you see it?
[Speedy] She should stub like this
to make it really appreciate kitty litter.
I wish I'd never seen that Golden Cluck.
Say it!
I wonder if there's anything to that bird.
Is it possible he really can grant wishes?
Oh, Speedy, my hero...
[smacks]
[Speedy] Well, I sure know what my wish would be.
[smacks]
[groans]
[splashes]
That was refreshing.
[narrator] Meanwhile, the great Golden Cluck has become
the biggest thing since chipped beef on toast,
the hottest ticket since the monkeys
revival tour at the most inspiring events in sunny
turned to share on network television,
and said 'I got you, babe.'
People from miles around are shelling out
their hard-earned bucks,
just to have their fortune sold.
Of course there's always one sour puss
in every crowd, who's blind to the real meaning of things.
[spectator] What's the big bird doing here?
Scram, go back to public TV,
we don't want a crowd around here.
[narrator] Ships from the four corners of the Earth
arrive in Little Tokyo harbor,
driven by tales of a Golden Bird,
and rumors that the woman here are terrific dancers.
The sailors rush to have their fortunes told,
They ask, "what will I be?"
"Will I be pretty?" "will I be rich?"
I love it, I love it.
I love it, money, money, money. [chuckles]
These Golden Clucks scheme is working perfectly, sir.
They are practically giving their money away.
If this keeps up you may even be able to afford
a swimming lesson, or two.
Come to think of it, a swimming lesson might not be
a bad idea either.
[Bad Bird] You can have it all,
you're going to be one rich rodent.
Rich rodent, I'll be the wealthiest
cartoon character on Earth.
Right?
Right.
[narrator] The innocent town's people keep on coming,
little knowing that they're playing right into the hands,
or paws, of the Big Cheese.
My biggest wish is to have a boyfriend.
Your wish is granted. You're free tonight about 8:00?
[chuckles]
How about me? I'd like a boyfriend too.
[machine] Insufficient credit.
Take my advice and ask for something more practical.
Like an end to world hunger.
[screams]
Thank you!
[chuckles]
I can't believe it, I'm finally gonna get my wish,
Lucille is gonna kiss me and my eyes will bug out
that funny way.
[chuckles]
No!
Okay, listen up!
We're gonna wrap for lunch now.
If I can ask all the extras to please clean the set.
We don't have any more crowd, so use the shoot right now,
I'm gonna let you all go.
Thank you very much, and please put your costumes
into the wardrobe department.
A ticket!
[shouts]
[thuds]
You should be ashamed of yourself,
and you're a pizza cat.
Who are you calling a thief, your feather think, I've eaten
birds for less.
Actually I made that up,
some of my best friends are birds...
Can I have the ticket, please?
[screams] It belongs to me!
[swishes]
I know one Lucille deserves after all.
How you doing down there, meet any earthworms?
[groans]
Give it back!
[thumping]
Gentlemen, you dropped your money.
Oh, well, I can see you're busy.
[narrator] Will our heroes tear each other to bits,
will the Big Cheese's evil scheme work?
Will Tania find true love with Jeremy?
Will this breathless list of questions
be followed by a commercial?
Even I know the answer to that.
[Polly] Guido, where are you?
You've got a honey covered pizza to deliver to that bear
in Blue Corner.
Well, well. what do you know?
So, you and Speedy have been fighting over Lucille again.
Okay, you oversized [indistinct] logical oddball,
Lucille and me gonna be an item or what?
[machine] Insufficient credit.
[Speedy chuckles] Insufficient credit?
You don't know what that does to a guy's self-respect.
Am tired of this 'Nickel and Dimed' stuff,
I wanna go after something bigger.
It just so happens that during the last commercial break,
the Golden Cluck was invited
to the home of old man monkey bags.
Old monkey bags, says he's the richest chimpanzee
in Little Tokyo. And he keeps all his money in that fortress
he calls a home, surrounded by an airtight security system.
No burglars ever been able to set foot in there,
and he's going to invite us right in, hey?
It seems he wants a private interview
with this fortune-telling bird of yours.
He's afraid he might lose his shirt if he invests
in the stock market.
So he wants its advice.
[chuckles] I think I'll let him keep its shirt.
[narrator] At that moment, across town,
at the home of everybody's favorite Cupido...
[clears throat]
Hey, Lucille!
Speedy, what a surprise!
-I was just wondering-- -What's cooking, good-looking?
If it isn't my favorite deer, come in.
[crying] If she's gilded for a guy
who looks like a coatrack.
[Golden Cluck] Okay, if I can get some big reactions
for the crowd now, [indistinct]
the big bird has taken away.
[crowd] No, don't go!
Beautiful, that'll do.
You're here, you've come to help me with my investments,
haven't you?
[Bad Bird] Don't worry about a thing, Mr. Monkeybags.
We're here to eliminate all of your financial worries
for the rest of your life.
[chuckles]
Women... imagine throwing me over,
for some smooth-talk and refugee from a bus and [indistinct]
Where is that gold-plated pigeon?
I want my money back.
Speak of the devil... Hey, I want my refund.
Hey, birdy!
[cricket chirping]
[moans]
Alright, crow, what's going on?
Start squawking your history.
[groans]
What? Thanks, Speedy!
[rings]
I told you not to call me in the office.
Oh... hi.
Yes, Big Al, what is it?
I'll tell you what it is. Evil is on the loose
and it's time for the Pizza Cats to get awake.
[Polly] Oh, thanks for calling, Big Al, lovely talking to you.
Lunch time, everybody!
[rhythmic pop music]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They make great pizza But that ain't all ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're ready to fight When you need them, just call ♪
♪ They know how to stop crime Just do that they say ♪
♪ If you don't want a bad time Stay out of their way ♪
[laughing]
♪ Oh, I love those cats ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're heroes Who always wear fur ♪
[laughing]
♪ Oh, I think I have a furball ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're fighting crime All over town ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ One more time They're fighting crime ♪
♪ All over town ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
[Polly] All systems are go everybody. Standby for launch.
[Guido] But I already ate.
'Launch,' not 'lunch'.
-[Guido] Oh! -[Polly] Silly.
Hello people, it often happens at this point of the show,
we're initiating an emergency blast off.
Sorry for the disturbance, thank you for your support.
And remember to vote "no" at proposition X,
the noise pollution initiative.
Kaboom!
[amusement park music] [bangs]
Look at those Pizza cats flying.
They're practically going into orbit.
[mother] Let's hope so son, let's hope so.
[Bad Bird] Monkeybags is out like a light,
now we can rob them blind.
[Speedy] Alright, who ordered the pepperoni and garlic.
I hate garlic.
[Speedy] Is that so? Then how come you got breath
you can trod a mouse on.
What do you expect from a guy who eats worms for breakfast?
-[Bad Bird] Huh? -[Speedy] That's right.
We got you surrounded. You didn't even notice.
I think that deserves a round of applause.
Don't you?
Thank you. We owe everything to our manager and our hairdresser.
And of course, you, little people, watching at home.
Love ya!
Alright, alright, let's stop patting ourselves on the back,
we got a job to do, remember?
[Polly] Gee, what a crouch!
[together] Samurai Pizza Cats!
I utterly refuse to pay for a pizza I didn't even order.
[indistinct] Go!
[scream]
[grunts and groans]
[thuds]
♪ The Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
[screaming]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
[gasping]
[screaming]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
You've ruffled my feathers for the last time,
you troublesome tomcats.
Now you're in for it.
What's happening to the big chicken?
Watch yourselves now!
[explosion]
[screaming]
[all scream]
Look!
[chuckles] Okay.
So maybe it doesn't pay to be a crook.
Maybe you Pizza Cats do always win.
Still, you have to admit
that our sides got the neatest monsters.
[groans]
Watch it Polly.
[shouts]
[groans]
[screaming]
Polly wanna cracker?
Polly!
[screams]
[Bad Bird chuckles]
I want to hear you say [indistinct].
[indistinct shouting]
okay, uncle, uncle. You're happy now?
Looks like we got no choice but to call the cavalry.
Oh, bummer! the timing couldn't be worse.
Right when bowling for fish heads was about to start.
Come in, General Captain, where are you?
Guess what, those crazy costume kitties need your help again.
Yes, whenever our Pizza Cats are in serious trouble,
which is just about every time they get out of bed
in the morning,
they call our services about fearsome feline,
General Captain.
[screams]
[rhythmic music]
[gasping]
What do you know, I just might win this one.
[laughs]
[shoots]
[groans]
[thuds]
[gasps]
What'll it be, you give up?
I'll throw you back into Stone Age.
[indistinct] that's what I say.
[explosions]
[groans]
[screams]
Hey, you! Don't you have any respect for private property?
Get us out of here.
You think you can just walk away from all this?
You think I'm gonna let you go just because our spineless
criminal justice system allows crooks to walk the streets?
While innocent people live in fear?
That really ticks me off.
[Japanese style music]
[whizzes]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
[main theme music]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
I'm more than ticked off, I am mad.
[screaming]
[all screaming]
Unbelievable, those cats beat me every time.
[Bad Bird] I want to renegotiate my contract.
[music continues]
[swishes]
Time to strike our pose, guys.
Ta-damm.
Wait for me, please.
[groans]
[Bat Cat] Now that Pizza Cat, isn't the only one
that can get mad.
Watch what happens when I get mad.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
[groans]
[Bat Cat] Okay, so...
it needs work.
Did you see where my head went?
[narrator] There may come a day, when the world no longer
needs the Samurai Pizza Cats.
When evil has been abolished and justice reigns supreme.
Or when this show has been cancelled...
But until their nails stand, watch over Little Tokyo.
Their hands held high, their feet planted firmly
on the ground.
Yeah, well...
Until next time.
On the next:
Pizza Cat!
[narrator] A late night pizza order sends Speedy on a delivery
right into the heart of Big Cheese's latest
power grab.
Along the way, he encounters Princess Vi,
daughter of Emperor Fred.
She's bored with life and wants a little action.
Much to Speedy's dismay, the Princess gets her wish
as the two stumble upon new booby traps, beaten by
Cheese's minions to topple the chamber of commerce.
[screams]
[narrator] It doesn't take long before the two find themselves
up to their necks in hot water.
Oh, Speedy, this is fun!
[narrator] Of course, Princess Vi really has a ball
with all this.
Will Speedy and the Princess escape this
underground underworld?
Will the Big Cheese get control of the town?
Will Emperor Fred finally remember his name?
Get the answers to these and other questions in
'Let the Cellar Beware'
or 'I've got you under my street.'
On the next Samurai Pizza Cats.
Ladies and Gentlemen, our Samurai Pizza Cats Fan Club
[groans]
The Pizza Cats are samurai.
And I'd like to note,
that antics take your breath away.
Like fur balls in your throat,
we kittens are a special breed, we never call retreat.
Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down,
We land upon our feet.
[narrator] So, Pizza Cat,
please ring your little bell,
although you may be pen and ink,
-We know you'll fight like -♪ Pizza Cats ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ We hope you liked the show It's the best that we could do ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ If you could do better Then we'd leave it up to you ♪
♪ Just a reminder You might like to know ♪
♪ The cats will be back For another big show ♪
♪ Oh, gosh ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're fighting crime Oh yes ♪
♪ All over town ♪
♪ Two... four... six... eight Why do we expectorate ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ Read all the credits ♪
♪ So you'll know Who did the work ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪